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Teenage daughter hypersexual? Wait. Button your pants.

August 12, 2009

I was a sexually active teenager.

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I glanced at the BP magazine’s feature on hypersexuality. I tossed it down. No, I didn’t want sex then, I was lonely for someone to love me and I rejected my family. I was usually high or wasted. I couldn’t feel anything but the tears roll down at 13. It wasn’t sexed raged hormones from having bipolar.

That’s not why I was called a slut for…my gee, entire life. I know it’s not. Partially not at least.

A girl who felt the world spinning around her finger felt inclined to test the man’s limit. Whether I had sex or not, it was a game. But on occasion something in me felt, and I cared. Normal? Seems that way, when it comes to casual sex. I might add I don’t indulge in anymore. I can’t handle the next day facing the BF. (Maybe my face in the mirror, but I’m not sure on that one.)

Again I pick up another edition of BP Magazine and I read a few letters from readers all gushing about how relieved they were to find out that hypersexuality is a side effect of bipolar. But not in those words, exactly.

One hit my heart, it was a mother of a daughter who has bipolar and is also sexually active. She felt relieved after reading the feature last edition article like the rest had expressed. I can hear Peter now, the father, Thank god we aren’t, or our daughter isn’t a raging sex hormone singing phallic melody’s loudly in the shower because she’s a slut, she’s just bipolar!

I just don’t know about this one. It’s very complicated. See one has different stages in their life of different types and levels of mania, or at least I did, starting at 13, when lucky bastard popped my  damn cherry . My virginity, they whispered in the halls in the 8th grade.

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I was out of control but their are so many variables at that age too. Pressure, teenage weirdness, girls hanging out with older guys, maybe drugs and alcohol. Plus I hated the world, what the bloody fuck did I care?

I’m going to wrap this one up and see what others have to say, and revisit.

I was a sexually active teenager, the town slut.

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Having hyper sexuality due to being bipolar doesn’t cut the sex with dirty men too young for me. I hate to break it to a torn apart mother, but it’s more heart-wrenching than that.

But of course, hypersexuality and manic phases go hand in hand, I just don’t know how those other young women feel when they’re manic, again mania’s change almost at every episode depending on how severe one’s illness is. I.E. It would be rare for a person to have bipolar young and feel sexual, honestly, because they’re hypersexual. I’ve been there and here.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. tvexplorer permalink
    August 12, 2009 8:56 p08

    Good God! I guess I should have known that a BP Magazine exists. As you might imagine, the whole hypersexuality issue is a sore spot for me, seeing as how I was on the receiving-end of it. Does sex under these circumstances mean a damn thing? Please, please, please say it does.

    Please?

  2. August 12, 2009 8:56 p08

    Of course it does, it’s like any relationship. Some work out, and some don’t, some you care for, some it never really meant a whole lot to you, I’m sure that is. Maybe not, and I’m sorry for that too! 😉 Kidding. Anyway, maybe she was more sexual than normal or whatever higher drive, but for me, it’s there when it’s there, connection. Being manic doesn’t take away the ability to be human.

    I can’t say if your, she, really cared or whatever your trying to figure out, but she can be manic and care-even love a person at the same time. As we both know doesn’t mean she won’t do things that wouldn’t always be right, but manic or not you have passion and a lot of it, so yeah, you care, you lust for, love for, and cry for the person who wasn’t manic.

    Being manic enhances is the way I look at it, doesn’t delude things, that’s for sure. That may not help the point, which is simply yes sex under these circumstances means something, again as we know for some people, we care more than the other, we don’t always care, most of us, but we most do care at least. I’ve always loved a person I was intimate with later in life, in some form or fashion, some a lot! I’ve had a one night stand, sounds like yours was not, and she wasn’t using you for anything-either way-I’m sure she still cares. It was safer with her husband. I presume, easier. Change never is.

    Sorry I got twisted in your world and melted it with my pasts. She didn’t fuck you because she was manic, it only made it more exciting for her. Presuming again. Okay, I could go on all night with this subject. You’re golden. Seems men always are in the end, seems that way?

    Lucky your wife trusts you and doesn’t snoop on your computer and stuff. She sounds pretty relaxed. I would have killed you! Sinner or not, that’s the sick twisted truth about me, it’s about me! LOL!

  3. tvexplorer permalink
    August 12, 2009 8:56 p08

    Oh, make no mistake, my wife was not happy about the situation. I remember sleeping on the floor in our living room the night my wife discovered the affair, worried she was going to bash my head in with an iron skillet. I’ve been paying for my infidelity ever since. Death would’ve been much easier. Trust me.

    Thanks for the detailed anaylsis on bipolarism. That’s the clearest explanation on this subject I’ve ever been given. You bipolar folks are definitely interesting. Speaking of that, you seem to manage quite well. From what others have written, BP can be a serious bitch. Thanks for being open about this, and allowing someone like me to pose questions every now and then.

    Your fan….

    • August 12, 2009 8:56 p08

      ‘Us bipolar people’ okay, I can be part of a we team. And yeah, some days are a bitch, but who doesn’t know one, right!

      As per my psychobabble, anytime, no problem! For you, but of, course.

      Just was thinking, after I asked you about photography, I started to find some better sources out there, strange. Not really. 😉

      Yours truly…ping pong

  4. Mya permalink
    August 14, 2009 8:56 p08

    Mea – Thanks for the turn on to BP Magazine. Years of therapy has never introduced me to this. Why isn’t it in my Dr.’s office?

    Your writing reminds me a lot of my girlfriend who is spiritual, into the arts, loves to sing and dance, and be the center of attention. She looks a lot like you. Your stories remind me of hers. Fiction and non-fiction fused; great imagination coupled with an eccentric lifestyle.

    I learned from BP Magazine that I wasn’t a slut or promiscuous; that my hyper sexuality is a side effect of bipolar disorder. I was about to have regrets in my life instead of attributing my indiscretions to my illness. It appears that shrinks are uncomfortable with this side effect. I’ll have to take this up with my NEW shrink. Damn them. Let’s be honest. I haven’t met a shrink I liked. I think they are over paid Big Pharma reps. Believe me, non-MD pharma reps are paid well. I know several.

    You are right. Sometimes sex when you’re hypersexual means something and sometimes it doesn’t. During a manic episode I could have a one night stand and be OK with it and not think twice. Maybe I would think “what was his name”. But, when I connected there was nothing like it. The passion, toe curling; shivers and shakes; the big O. OBSESSION!

    If I can ask, were you raised by a diagnosed or undiagnosed bipolar mother? My life could have turned out so much differently without my undiagnosed bipolar mother. Do you feel the same?

    TV is very interesting. I’ve been following his blog. You asked him if he was Jaaaameessss Deeeeeeeean. His response was that “tvexplore” “was not just a random name he chose. It’s a mockery of someone else’s blog title…someone he used to know and care about. Choosing a similar name was his way of saying “f— you” to her.”

    He added “Yes, come to think of it, I will have to write a blog post on this!” Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know. Don’t you? Please ask him to post it. I implore you to post it TV.

    He’s fascinated and terrified of bipolar women. I know he’ll never have another affair because of us. Because you said you can be part of a team, I know we are mesmerizing to confident and self-assured men. It’s my impression he’s looking for answers as to why.

    I hope we can answer his questions. I’d like to know why I’ve attracted so many strong and powerful confident men in my life yet haven’t made a commitment. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got my share of loser admirers that I haven’t committed to either.

    Please keep writing. I’ll keep reading.

  5. August 14, 2009 8:56 p08

    Mya,

    Thank you for your thorough comment. You are a nice writer I see. I’m not sure how you perceived my take on hypersexuality and bipolar comment to BP magazine, but maybe I’m not clear on the matters. Maybe I am and I can’t find the words?

    Thank you for the compliment of seeming to be spiritual, into the arts and a dancer. It’s funny you should mention center of the universe as an attribute, some one else said that to me yesterday. No comment as I’m not sure.

    My mother I don’t believe is bipolar. She may have some of the symptoms, but to a lesser degree. I really can’t answer that either. Only a true expert on the matters of bipolar could. But she’s never been down in long depressions and then working from one project to the next without finishing as I see to be my pattern. All with grand hopes never achieved. Can I ever break free and be the person I want to be? Who is she?- That was Freudian like a slip if I’ve ever written one!

    To be honest I didn’t pay too much attention to TV and the implications of his name, I guess I liked my take and didn’t hear. How selfish of me. But I too think he’s obsessed with finding out the question you posed. We can be real charmers, but then it’s not a easy ride. Their are realities that can hurt. Not that he or any other male in the same mind set don’t do their share of ‘sticking the knife in the gut’ so to say sort of behaviors and use of verbage.

    I didn’t until now have much thoughts on him posting about the other person, but if it’s an interesting story, which I’m sure it is, and answers questions or provides answers, than I too implore TV to do the post.

    I must admit, he writes good posts, he’s talented and sometimes funny so I do enjoy to follow him as well. And he has an array of people who too really enjoy his post based on his comments. He’s doing a good job from my eyes. What ever his underlying objective is. Actually that I would need to know before making my prior statement. You seem quite captivated by him. I wonder why woman who are bipolar seem that way, and maybe are.

    I’m confused. You’re female but you used to have a girlfriend, I’m guessing you meant a friend because you say you had slept with men? I just wanted to have my pronouns down correctly.

    In conclusion I agree with so much of your email like the commitment or lack of one. I’m not sure if you meant marriage or that you find your self else where, in mind and body–maybe? Maybe both? Wow. You covered a lot and brought up a lot in your comment. I hope I’ve answered adequately as I appreciate your both reading and contributing to this blog.

    Let me know if you’d like further explanation or if I’ve not answered you as you would have wished for. Maybe I need a shrink, probably! An MD doc. can only do so much, and they don’t ask questions or answer any, so that’s my new project, to find a shrink.

    Do you have a blog? I assume not. You should, insightful.

    Truly,

    Mea Nada Madison

    • Mya permalink
      August 14, 2009 8:56 p08

      Mea – Please be careful who you get as a shrink. They are dangerous and don’t abide by the Hippocratic Oath; Do no harm. I don’t understand that you are bipolar and don’t have a shrink. Who diagnosed you? No GP will treat this illness.

      I don’t have a blog, I’d love to have to have a journal, a blog as an vent. I’ve been out of the workforce for 12 years and I’m afraid that I’m not computer savvy enough to keep my anonymity.

      Relating to mother, you spoke about her in your blog. I was just wondering. My mother is an undiagnosed bipolar as are most of her side of the family. Don’t tell her that. She’s ashamed that I’m diagnosed and receiving medical treatment at a topmost university. She tells me that I had a wonderful childhood. HAHA In her world.

      I am heterosexual however have had several bi-sexual experiences. My girlfriend that you remind me of is simply a friend that is a girl. My friend is possibly undiagnosed bipolar, a free spirit who is spiritual, loves the arts, loves to sing and dance, and reminds me so much of you. I called her to tell her about you.

      I have an ex-lover, a mm. I’ve slept with him and both of his wives at different times of course. Both were open marriages. He would have it no other way. This fact is true and always quite interesting to men. He is quite well known. I met him while he was in the middle of a Supreme Court decision. I originally thought that he led me to a life of promiscuity because we had so-o-o-o much fun. We spent days in bed. I love room service and nurses. He turned me onto porn. He continued to call and email me throughout the years. We’ve met at his house and in several different cities over the years, and he still wants me 38 years after the fact as long as I don’t smoke cigarettes. lol He hates them. That was our only tiff; oh, and black pepper. His stomach can’t take handle it.

      In remorse, I was beginning to blame him for my promiscuity over the years. The article I read in BP Magazine disputes this. Thank you for freeing me from that remorse. I think of Socrates when I think of him. “Are you my friend because I think you are my friend….etc.

      Concerning TV, he’s an articulate sensitive man who is looking for answers as to how he could be “drunk in love” with a bipolar woman. I want to know too. I can pass through an intelligent, powerful man’s life without him knowing that I’m bipolar because I leave when it’s not fun anymore. What makes us so attractive to those kinds of men?

      No shit, it’s not an easy ride to be with us. It’s not an easy ride for me to be with me! I have a man now that doesn’t understand depression thank god. He just brings me food and makes me laugh. He’s a simple, successful man. I’m lucky.

      I want to know what makes us bipolor’s attractive to successful men. I’m older now and not quite as perky. I never took the time to figure that out. TV made me ask that question about myself. I can’t afford me. As I said, my current man is a successful unpretentious man. He doesn’t get what I need in my old age to make me happy .MORE And then I can only be happy for a short period of time.

      You’re young. I’m not off the mark. This is what you have to look forward to unless you can find that soul mate that can deal with your cycles.

  6. August 14, 2009 8:56 p08

    Mya,

    I was diagnosed when I was 20 yrs. old by a bipolar expert who came highly recommended. I also saw several other psychiatrists after him who too, diagnosed me as bipolar 1, severe with paranoia-persecutory beliefs and delusions. I eventually started taking my meds and am now stable, but not under the care of a psychiatrist. I really liked one of mine, but I think boundaries were crossed or things got crazy because I was so manic, and I can no longer see him. I wish I could because I really liked him, but he looked like my late boyfriend who died when I was 20 and he was 23, so that’s that.

    A journal is a great tool to have. You don’t need to blog. I have journals after journals of recorded chaos and some beauty. I used to use them as pieces of evidence in case something happened to me. I though I was solving a riddle, a crime, involving me. Another topic.

    I honestly can’t say my mom is truly bipolar, but she does have diagnosed relatives. I do on both sides, but not my parents. My dad doesn’t believe in meds, but they are both supportive of my getting treatment as they experienced my going through a psychosis last summer while visiting. (I was still playing with meds.)

    Thank you that you called your friend. I found that very flattering. Thank you again.

    It sounds like you’ve had your share of sexual experiences. Mine aren’t as how should I say this, hot, but they are. One on one terms. Not that this is a core issue for me but I take that back, it is. I’ve never been faithful which has been problematic. I regret hurting the also per se powerful men in my life who adored me to be with some young lover.

    What makes us so attractive to those men? I’m not sure, but I’d say it’s the moments of complete confidence and seductiveness pulsating in our eyes. Being at those moments of manic despair cunning, witty, and snappy clever. It puts them in a spot they’re not used to, not being in control. What makes them stay is my question!

    I’m glad to hear about your present love, and that you are healthy for one another! I’m glad he’s there for you when you need him and he doesn’t make you feel bad for doing so. It’s hard to find a man like that, and I’m lucky to have found one too in the haystack.

    Depression is very hard and so are manias. Depressions leave us so full of shame and well, feeling dead like, and manias bring us up so high that any man would long for, and then rips us down to doom, for a while, hopefully.

    Yes I am young, 26. I have a partner and I’ll think more about your comment per soul mate. It’s important, that I know.

    Thanks for your comment. I love having you as part of the ‘team.’ Stay tuned! And keep in touch!

  7. tvexplorer permalink
    August 15, 2009 8:56 p08

    Mea and Mya, I think you’ve pretty well described my attraction to my manic former other woman. The funny thing is, I had no idea (nor did she) that some of her behaviors were linked to bipolar disorder. Our affair happened before she was diagnosed. Still, I knew there was something “different” about her.

    She did things that were totally random, like get in her car, drive to the middle of nowhere, and spend the day doing…God knows what. I remember thinking, who does stuff like this? She was always “on.” She was fun to be around. Who knew she was hypomanic? The same during sex. She enjoyed it so much. She was so…fucking…passionate! I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I could’ve spent a lifetime with her.

    But toward the end of our affair, I also witnessed bouts of depression that would pop up without notice. One night at her apartment, she disappeared into the bedroom. When I went in to see what she was doing, she was sitting on the floor clutching her legs with her head between her knees. She could barely speak. She had the look of someone who just found out someone very close had just died. But when I asked what was wrong, she had no answer for it.

    Should I have known she had bipolar disorder? Yes, no, maybe. Like most people, I had no clue what the symptoms were. Plus, the symptoms were spaced out enough that I couldn’t formulate a pattern. Unfortunately, by the time she was diagnosed, I had little to no sympathy for her. She had exposed our affair getting us both in major trouble, and was taking powerful medications that made her seem ice cold. I began to wonder if our relationship was a sham…if she had been acting out of mania, and mania only. Mea, you’ve given me answers to this, and I thank you. I now know that it did mean something, but that her experience was heightened. That’s all. Would she have cheated on her husband if she didn’t have bipolar disorder? Perhaps not, but then again, most of the cheaters who visit my blog do not have bipolar disorder, and they did it anyway. In many ways, I have unfairly labeled my ex. This much I do know…I miss her. So much.

  8. August 17, 2009 8:56 p08

    TVexplorer,

    I didn’t mean to say it was because it heightened it. I truly don’t know what the answer is, I’m not her. I wish I were, and you were the person I had an affair with and I could speak straight, and also get answers to the questions I have. When I hear you miss her, very much, it makes me sad. To be honest. I would give anything to see the person I had an affair with well over a year ago. It wasn’t really an affair–I don’t know what to call it–ex-lover is good. I get so confused when you talk about your situation because it brings up feelings that pertain to mine. See I’m too afraid to leave, so I can’t contact him. I wouldn’t even know how. In conclusion, I can’t say what your ex-lover truly feels or how she did. Unless you speak with her, you never will know. As I will never know how my ex-lover felt or feels. Sorry I don’t have more that I can say on the issue. Only she has the answer. She holds your key. If that’s the key you need, ask her?

    But I have bipolar, did the same thing, and have deep feelings for ‘ex-lover.’ I feel crazy to admit such a claim, but it’s true. Have an answer? No. Only he does.

    Thanks as always for your input and contribution.

  9. tvexplorer permalink
    August 17, 2009 8:56 p08

    Call me a pessimist, but I don’t think the answers we seek (or have sought) exist. What could our long-lost lovers possibly say that would make us feel any better? Two things: Jack….shit! For my part, I will never contact her again. Every time I have, it has blown up in my face.

  10. August 17, 2009 8:56 p08

    You’re right. They don’t. Or they don’t exists anymore. Time has played its role too. Things change. Maybe? Anyway I apologize if I upset you with my last comment, I guess I don’t really know your whole story too well.
    Good bye yesterday. I’m off to the City ExplorerTV!

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